We Need To Talk About Kevin

Very disturbing book,which gives a lot of food for thought. From time to time I was thinking if writing such a book as a fiction was moral at all. The writer walks deeply into the dark side of parenting. She confronts the socially accepted notions of motherhood and leads us into the nightmare of depression and troubled parenting.The novel unfolds in the form of daily letters written by Kevin`s mother to her husband. Many may find the style overloaded with too many words and expressions.At some points I had the feeling that Eva was repeating herself.Well,this was not contributing to the good literary style but made the letters seem more genuine as I can imagine a person in her place repeating over and over the painful moments she wants to share and being not very precise.

This story places the great question about evil, and doesn`t answer it: is the evil natural/inborn, or caused by the family and upbringing? Eva tends to picture her son as strange and weird from the day of his birth. This may be her perception as well,as she is uncapable of connecting to him. The baby seems alien to her,and the strangeness she feels,reflects in his behaviour as in a mirror. Kevin seems to have picked up her deficiency of mother feelings from the start,and he explores and puts her on trial until the very end of the book. From one side,it is clear,that Eva is not capable of improving their relationship but he also turns to be a quite difficult baby. In the best seeling and wonderful book "Families and How To Survive Them" by Skinner and Cleese,the authors speak about the other side of mother-child relationship which often stays in the shadow- the responce of the baby itself. In general,babies tend to be a lovable creatures-it is in their nature to make parents love them and care for them. Babies have a natural tendency to evoke compassion and attention to their needs.They also are capable of giving an emotional "gratification" which is important for the parents as it is their "compensation" for the hard work in the first months.However,a small percent of the babies seem to have difficulties with bonding.They are more shut in themselves and emotionally reserved.When a mother has problems connecting to the baby, such a baby may make the things even more difficult for her.I think that`s the case with Kevin.

It was very sad observing how Eva`s marriage deteriorated after the birth of Kevin. It seemed like her husband,Franklin,fell into the predefined family model and could not relate to Eva`s feelings.It was painful to read how many times she tried to tell him about her problems but every time he would just avoid the subject,or find it her fault,or suggest that she is simply "a bit tired". Of course,I was angry with him all the time,including his blindness to Kevin`s strange and weird behaviour.

Although as a person who has suffered from postnatal depression,I could relate to Eva in many aspects,still I couldn`t relate emotionally to her.There was a lot of hate and coldness in her. I think she actually doesn`t stop hating Kevin through the whole book.

The main question,of course, was why Kevin did what he did. Why did he grow so alienated,so cold,so weird? Did he enjoy hurting the others? Little doubt.Did he love her mother? I think,yes. Perhaps he was a hypersensitive child and he choose this kind of behaviour as a responce to her hatred. He seems quite alert at not allowing her any sense of gratification as a parent.He played very skilfully with her sense of guilt. He struggled for her attention by turning off all attention from him. Although he plays as self-confident and untouched,in fact he is terribly unsecure. He felt himself as being of no importance at home while paradoxically,at the same time,he was the constant center of attention.

Why he did it? I think part of him wanted really to enter the news,to make something significant,to turn the attention to himself. This was also a way to make her mother hurt a lot and to disrupt her social position.It is worth noting that Kevin hates her mother`s job and social status probably because hs feels that he is viewed as a hindrance in her career,and also because her job robs him of her attention and presence.So he should have really enjoyed seeing her humiliated.

The second thing is that in my view,Kevin was a terribly spoiled child. It is not a paradox. Eva tries all the time to make up for her lack of love. Franklin plays the good father and secretly competes with her wife,eager to show her how much she fails in being a good parent.This is a very dangerous game,because it fails to install any respect in Kevin and fails to build in him moral boundaries.With a mother who hates you,and a father who stupidly overlooks all your mischievings,how it would be possible to grow as a responsible person?

But inspite of the grave mistakes of his parents,I still think that they cannot be totally responsible for his brutal act. He choose to act like this,and most of his behaviour was a personal choice.I know that many would argue and doubt if a child can make personal choices when he/she is totally dependant on his/her upbringing,but in my view there is still a room open for personal choice. Kevin choose how to respond to his mother.
The transformation at the very end of the book seemed as a less probable outcome and also hard to believe. But when Eva says that she finally loves her child,it may as well be true as he is the only one left for her to love.She feels bound to him by his terrible childhood and loving him is like a sentence she deserves.

I may say I don`t regret reading this book.I am not sure that I am going to search for another one by the same writer but it was an interesting read and made me think over the moral dilemmas.